What is a NICU? I had no clue

Dear Pregnant Me:

A year and a half ago, February, 2012, you just found out you were 5-6 weeks pregnant.  You were scared, nervous, sad, happy, excited, and nervous all over again.  You’re a naturally paranoid person, so your first online search wasn’t for “what the baby needs” or “what to expect in the first trimester”, it was “what can go wrong during child birth?”  

Here are some things a NICU mom wishes she knew:

      1)      It is not what can go wrong during child birth, it’s what can go wrong during a pregnancy

  Pre-Eclampsia

  HELLP

  Placental Abruption

  Miscarriage

  Stillborn

      2)      How can I prevent a premature birth

   You can’t!

      3)      What is a NICU

   Neonatal Intensive Care Unit; specialty care pediatric units, usually for premature babies, and   sometimes for full-term babies with issues. Go take a tour

      4)      How early can a baby be born and survive

   Earliest one known is 22 weeks

      5)      What kind of life will this baby lead if they are born ___ early

   You never know!  They can be perfectly healthy, or they can have brain bleeds, CP, rely on O2, etc.

   
      6)      What will the baby look like

   Depending on how early, your baby may have a transparent layer of “skin”; you will be able to see   the heart beating, and the veins under the skin.  He or she may have hair all over their face, no lips, and their ears will have no cartilage

      7)      What will the baby act like

   They will sleep on their back, on their bellies, with their arms up, and down.. they will move all around, or be very still.  They will try and open their eyes, which will be completely black; they will open and close their hands, yawn, cry, and feel pain

      8)      What will be expected of me

   Nothing will be expected.  The nurses will offer if you want to take the baby’s temperature, change their diaper, hold a hand over the baby to calm them down; you will learn all of the ticks and beeps, all of the machines, and all of the numbers, but in your own time.  They will ask if you want to hold them, and then tell you that today is not a good day for them to be held.  You are expected to be strong, you’re expected to cry.

      9)      Will I be strong

   And for how long will I remain strong?  Am I not normal if I don’t cry?  I got upset once a week or 2 after my daughter was born when she was crying, and I couldn’t do anything to help her.  I was mad at myself for doing this to her, and I just wanted to go home.

      10)   How long is the average stay for a baby born ___ early

  Mine was 117 days.  Some are 100 days, some are 6 months.  Some are born at 28 weeks, and leave 4-5 weeks later!

      11)   Where will I live during this time

   Check with your hospital social worker; there may be a Ronald McDonald nearby, you may be able to stay in the NICU if there are individual rooms for your babies, or you might have to travel back and forth

   
      12)   How much will it cost

  Thousands of dollars each day.  Check with your social worker for any programs to help, such as SSI, your local insurance (MaineCare for me), WIC programs, etc.

      13)   What kinds of surgeries might this baby need

   They might need heart surgery, brain surgery, eye surgery, or none at all

      14)   What are all of the IVs sticking out my baby’s hand, arm, foot, head…

   The IVs are feeding your baby with necessary fluids for them to survive.  An IV can only last for 2-3 days, so they will need to restick your baby’s arm, leg, or even head, every time.  Sometimes, a PICC line is used instead, which can last weeks instead of days.

      15)   What are these instruments/tools called, and used for

   Pulse, Oxygen, Respiratory, IV, CPAP, etc…  wires, tubes, nasal cannulas, and more wires

  
      16)   What do these buzzing alarms mean, and will I ever get used to them

   Each notification has a different tone.  Beep beep, your baby’s oxygen or respiratory lead has come off, it needs to be fixed, but don’t panic; look at your baby, she is fine.  BEEP, your baby has dipped in respiratory levels but most likely just forgot to breathe for a few seconds; it should start coming back up any time soon.  BEEP BEEP BEEP, ok she still is forgetting to breathe, somebody remind her.

   
      17)   When the nurses don’t come running when one of those alarms go off, can I freak out

   The nurses know what they are doing.  If an alarm goes off and it’s important, they will be there.

      18)   Is it ok to take a break, go for a walk, go to the beach, go home…

   YES

      19)   What types of questions should I ask the doctors and nurses

   Anything.  They are there for you and your baby.

20)  The one that I still struggle with... should I work?
    I didn't, and I wish I did.. at least part time.  That's a lot of money to make up/lose, and a lot of bills still to be paid every month.  But, some people did work and they wish they hadn't.  They wanted to be at the hospital with their baby.  Make the choice that is best for you, and don't let anybody make you feel bad about it.

Crossfit Pregnant mom Commentors 2

On a side note, not relating to losing babies
1) Mind your own business
2) Stop feeling SO free to judge other people, especially other women's pregnancies
3) You are not a doctor
4) She was 8.5 months pregnant, obviously has had a successful healthy pregnancy, so far, and had 2 prior to this as well.  I think she knows what she's doing, and so do HER doctors.
5) Women who are in shape, weight-lifters, athletes, etc.. are very aware of their body, their abilities, limitations, and ANY changes that they feel relating to their health
6) Yeah, mind your own business again.. unless it's a cocaine using, cigarette smoking pregnant mom- then feel free!!


To Crossfit Pregnant Mom Commentors

To Crossfit "pregnant mom" Commentors

"“This is why CrossFit is horrible. No one knows what they're doing. This is a good way to lose your baby,” wrote Facebook user Evan Kennedy, a physical therapist."
Source: http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/should-pregnant-women-be-weightlifting---200459884.html


1) I did NOT exercise when I was pregnant
2) I almost lost my baby


The End


On a Side Note.... Crossfit Pregnant Mom Commentors 2


Refer to the following posts to observe my 23 week premature baby that I had while not working out:
Adalyn's 1st Year Video
Life in the NICU/CCN

Happy 1st Birthday, Adalyn!

Allowing Kids to be Kids

A few years ago, my mom and I were at a performance (I’m not sure what, exactly), and there were some kids running up and down the aisles.  They were probably no older than 5 years old, laughing and playing around in-between shows.  Everybody around us was happily enjoying them, and there were no parents telling them to sit down or to “shh!”  My mom mentioned how when I was younger, she wishes that she would have let me do that.  To let kids be kids is one of the hardest struggles a parent might face in a public place.

On a visit to an appointment a couple weeks ago, there was a little boy walking around and playing quietly, not bothering the only 2 other people in the room.  His mother told him to sit down and stop making so much noise.  He did.  Then, he and his brother started telling jokes and messing around in their chairs.  She told them a little bit louder to sit down and be quiet.  Saying “shh” over and over again, is louder and more annoying than a kid laughing and playing around.  And many people agree with me on this when we’re out in places and it happens.  My daughter is still a baby, so I don’t know how I’ll react to her when she’s older in this type of situation, but I hope that I allow her to act her age and be silly as long as she’s not being rude.  They’re kids, they know silliness and happiness.  Stress, being rude, still, quiet, and stripped of their fun and innocence is worse to me than a 4 year old standing up and playing in her chair during previews at a theater.

I Support Breastfeeding, But... Part 2

   Breastmilk has always been, and will always be, the most pure natural form of the greatest nutrition available for any baby or toddler.  The immunity system that it offers to strengthen, the nutrition to help them grow, the connection that breastfeeding creates between son or daughter and mother.  There is no replacing the value of the milk, and I'm sure that others will agree no replacing the feeling of that special bond with your infant.  
  I never got to experience that.  As I explained in my other parenting blogs, my daughter was born 4 months early around 24 weeks gestation, and had a feeding tube through her mouth, and then her nose, for almost the entire 4 months.  I pumped, every day, as often as I could.  There were distractions, I'm sure there was internal stress, and there were times when I forgot to eat or drink water.  I feel guilty every day about not trying harder to produce more, but my breastmilk stopped coming in after about 2 months.  After this, I luckily had a stockpile from the beginning when I was overproducing, that lasted my daughter another 2 weeks.  I tried power pumping, I tried oatmeal and mother's milk, and then as a last resort, I tried pumping every 2 hours for 20 minutes for 24 hours.  Each time, getting nothing.  
   I do not feel judged about bottle feeding in my personal life; most of the people that I know with babies are bottle feeding.  But with the world as viral as it is, there is so much support right now in the communities that I'm involved in (Raising Natural Kids, with organic foods, medicines, etc... that is the type of person that I am), so in a way I feel attacked when people express their actual hatred for mothers who bottle feed, or don't try to breastfeed, etc.  Yes, I said hatred for it.  I have seen posts that stated how they don't think that mothers who bottle feed are good mothers, love their babies enough, and so on.  It is one thing to support breastfeeding, it's another to attack people that don't.

To see my daughter's journey through the NICU, please see the Parenting section of my blog for pictures and other stories 

I Support Breastfeeding, But...

REPLY TO:  I am Not the Babysitter's Sh*t People Say...

How many breastfeeding moms out there have heard one (or all) of these comments?

By Bridget McGann

• Isn’t she too old for that?
• Aren’t YOU too old for that?
• You’re gonna make him gay.
• You’re gonna make her gay.
• He’s gonna grow up to be a perv.

Those are just a few examples of questions that breastfeeding moms hear everywhere when family, friends, and strangers approach a baby, toddler, but mostly child, feeding.  With social media, the support from Attachment Parenting, the increase in "natural" and organic products, and going back to basics (let me refer to home remodels here.. people are putting in CONCRETE counter-tops in place of granite or marble, and CORK floors in place of tile or hardwood!), women everywhere are beginning to embrace the natural process of breastfeeding.  They are no longer ashamed, no longer private, and no longer limiting it to 1 years old.  Mothers may not have been limiting prior to Facebook or Blogger, but it is more publicized; people are putting their pictures on the internet, of their babies eating from their breasts!  Women used to cover up as a courtesy to others, now we consider it rude or offensive if somebody asks us if we want to cover up, or to please do so.  Because it's natural, and people should be accepting of it... in parks, on a bus ride, on a very large picture on Time Magazine.  I myself am one of those people, who finds it awkward when somebody is openly breastfeeding, or there's a picture of a 5 year old standing up feeding from his or her mother.  I don't know anybody personally who was breastfed until those later stages of childhood, but if I was not transferred to a bottle before I was 2, I feel like I would have a very strange relationship with my mother.  But, I don't consider myself a "normal" mother.  I didn't feel connected to my baby while she was in my belly; I thought it was weird that someone was growing inside of me.  Cool, but weird.  I only made it to 24 weeks in my pregnancy, and was knocked out with anesthesia for an emergency c-section.  I wasn't able to hold my daughter for 4 days after she was born.  But I didn't feel the great need for it either, and for that I felt guilty.  I wanted to hold her because I knew it was good for her, and because I knew I should want to, not because it would create a bond for me- which it didn't.  She was supposed to "sat" higher on her oxygen during kangaroo care, but she struggled when I held her, and I had to put her back in her incubator.  It was supposed to be automatic love between mother and child; when she started smiling at me, and responding to me with excitement that I was coming to pick her up... that's when the connection started for me.  She was almost 7 months old.  The first time that I tried breastfeeding, when she was 3 months, I had already run out of milk anyways, so the hope was that her latching on would bring back my supply.  But it felt so unnatural- I felt like I was doing something to her without her permission.  Somebody sucking on my boob, to put it plainly, felt like sexual assault because she had no say.  
So, no, I am not a "normal" mother, with normal feelings and attachment, and I feel guilty every day about this, but I can't help who I am or how I feel.  My love for people, even my daughter, grows with time and because of situations that occur such as her smiling at me, or starting to laugh.  
So, in a very off topic round-about way of saying it... I support breastfeeding, but, to a certain extent.  
I have never come across anybody in person who was actually breastfeeding a baby uncovered, but if I had, I probably either would have:
a)  ignored it because I am not uncomfortable with that
b) asked if they needed something to cover up with... maybe they forgot theirs, and if I had forgotten mine, I would have been grateful for somebody asking!
c) offering them a piece of advice of where they may get more privacy... maybe they didn't know, and once again, I would have been grateful

If I came across somebody breastfeeding a child 3-10 years old, I still would have ignored it, but I would have felt very awkward and would have been thinking Wow, aren't they too old for that?  I'm all for the nutritional value that it may add to kids in this age range, but I'm not comfortable with it.  Pump the breastmilk and give it to them in a cup as a drink.  If I ask you a question like "isn't he too old for that?" it's not meant to be negative towards you, it's mostly curiosity.  Please don't take comments like this to heart unless they attack you- questions are natural; and feel good about the fact that they did ask you a question about it instead of just staring or talking behind your back! 

See other Parenting Blogs:  Catching Fireflies Parenting

1st Attempt at Making Cushions

Crafty, Do-It-Yourself, creative... 3 words that do NOT describe me!  But, regardless, it does save a lot of money if you have the time.  I don't have a lot of time, so it may take a while to complete, but here is Step 1 of making my own cushions for the dining room table.  Any chairs that I was interested in were at least $50 each, and only came in sets of 4.  I need 10 chairs, which means I would be spending at least $500...  If I'm able to find chairs for less, without a cushion, and I can figure out how to make them myself, I should save HALF of that cost!  

3" Foam, enough for more than 10 chairs: $40.00 at Mardens
10 yards of fabric: $40.00 at Mardens
Chairs: STILL NEED!

 3" Foam

 A little choppy cutting with scissors!  But that should be covered up

 Measuring the fabric on each side.. I measured 4" but it turned out a little crooked, 

even though I used a level!  So it's shorter on one side, but still fits

 Folding the fabric around the foam

 I decided to fold it like a Christmas present

 This is the front

 The fabric that I chose for the dining room chairs

 Trying it out on one of the chairs I'm borrowing for the winter

 So, I need: Glue or Staple Gun, bigger chair or to shape the foam.. 

maybe even straps around the foam to hold it to the chair so it doesn't move...  

Not too bad for my first try!

Since She's Been Out Pictures!

I promised pictures!  Original "Since she's been out" reflection
For more pictures  "She's Out!"
For part of our journey in the NICU  "Life in the NICU/CCN"

Reminder- this is where we came from (June 16-Oct 10) in the hospital

 1lb13oz

Now: 9lbs 2oz!

Making herself at home, without Oxygen, and without a feeding tube!

She doesn't quite know where she is yet, after 117 days of "home" being the hospital

Photo shoot!

 Enjoying some belly/sleep time

 The cradle my dad made back 20ish years ago- first baby to actually sleep in it

She gets to visit her friends who came home a few months earlier!

And she gets to meet her cousin!

Getting comfortable- look how chunky she's getting!

 She never liked her swaddles anyways

 Keeping warm at her uncle's hockey game

Patriots fan on Thanksgiving!

Finally caught a smile on camera!

 Learning to communicate!

 Little girl in a big chair

 Little girl in a little chair (used to be mine!)

 hello!

Testing out her swing in her new home

 Her buddy, Chloe!

 Somebody's not happy :(

 Going to visit Santa!

 Look at her holding her head up!

 She's discovered that her elephant's ear doesn't taste very good

 Starting the New Year off walking across the floor.. she loves standing and bouncing!

 Getting to be a big girl, playing with her toys

 Her new toy!  Looks a little tired, but she loves it!

"Hi Mommy! I'm playing with my elephant!"

I'll help  :)

For more on our journey, see the below links:

Original "Since she's been out" reflection

For more pictures  "She's Out!"

For part of our journey in the NICU  "Life in the NICU/CCN"

Quick Snack/Dinner: Egg Sandwiches

Forgot about dinner last night!  So, at 10:30, I finally realized that I was hungry.. and also remembering that I made a promise to myself to be more healthy, I didn't just grab cereal!

 

Olive Oil to brown the bread

 Yum!

Mushrooms!!!

Sauteed mushrooms in olive oil, black pepper, and a tiny bit of sea salt

New eggs :)

And it was delicious!